Audrey's Christmas Letter "2009"
Chanting prayers
Men build bridges to cross
the river Styx
Forgetting that each bank glows
at dawn and also sunset
Do you know how
the caterpillar turns?
Do you remember what happens
inside the cocoon?
You liquuefy
There in the thick black
of your self-spun womb
void as the moon before waxing
You melt
in impossible darkness
the sheer
of wings

The skies of dawn and sunset are similar and only time reveals the difference, as the morning sky becomes light and the dusk turn to darkness. They are glorious times of day celebrating new life and the fullness of life as it turns to sleep. Beginnings do not know what life's experiences will be, a blank slate waiting to be filled with all the possibilities available.The end of life, is like a tree full of fruit. Through experience comes understanding and maybe even wisdom that can be passed on. At the end is the river Styx over which the souls of the dead pass to the underworld. Is it death or is it a dream world, a sleep where new beginnings are formulated. a time of metamorphosis. The cycles repeat in nature reminding us that life renews itself and all is working in harmony. I have experienced many sunrises and sunsets, many seasons. If anyone asked me what was the best time in my life I would have answered now. If you ask me now 2009 I will answer now, because I have enjoyed my whole life and along the journey I have learned a few things and I also realize I know very little. I realize as being a very small part of the whole I see and understand very little. I also realize that being an individualized part of the whole that I am connected to everything. I do believe that the vail of forgetfulness is lifting, that the sleep humanity has been in for thousands of years, the cycle of darkness is coming to and end.

Every year we celebrate Christmas. the returning of light, the knowledge that the Christ conscious is in us, All seasons have their purpose and when the time is right, this conscious will be activated in all of us, the people of planet earth. I believe that I create my reality and so I believe that the time of peace is near. I as part of the whole, am responsible for what has happened on earth, and knowing this I take responsibility to change the conditions that enslave humanity, It is simple in principle, do not live in fear, live in love, live in harmony, no two, one way, no competition, cooperation, live for the good of all. I have done a lot of reading, I have time to do this, I have read things that I cannot comprehend, far out stuff, mind boggling , I say no way is this possible, but now I have been exposed to this information, Why am I so drawn to it? Who am I this human in ignorance wanting to know the truth. It is a strange paradox.

This year I became interested is crop circles. They are beautiful. I believe all the shapes are based on sacred geometry. Some are man made. Who made most of them is not known. Most are made in England, apparently on energy lines. They are destroyed when the crops are harvested and the following year new ones appear more complex. What do they communicate?. From what I have been reading all life comes from sacred geometry, sound, vibration, light, everything in the universe is made of it, it's mathematical. Numbers have meaning have energy. There is energy in the circles and it affects some people that are more open or aware of it. As part of all, we are being helped to remember who we are by those that are more advanced on the spiral of life. The cycles that move in the heavens are affecting us. I feel a speeding up. There is a pressure pushing everyone. I have read do not resist, go with the flow. I am glad to be alive at this time. I feel something great is happening.

My life moves in a slow sameness. After Charlie died I was lonely, now I am content. I have my time alone to paint, garden, and walk the dog. I have time to be with friends. I am thankful that at my age I am healthy, not an ache or pain, I never even get headaches, however a lot less strength and energy. I still can climb the rocks and swim in the cove. I greet each day with wonder and appreciation of it's beauty and each night I climb into bed tied and fall right to sleep. I have lived on Back Cove for 25 years. There is no other place I would rather be. I love the variety of weather, the changing seasons that provide endless subject matter for me to paint. I appreciate winter more then the other seasons because of the contrasts. One of the best feelings is the feeling of warmth and contentment being near the wood-stove during a storm with the wind howling and the snow piling up in drifts outside. Then when the longest nights come we have the holidays and my favorite time of year.

This year I had Christmas with Chris and family, from December 16th to the 31st. The second week in December I decorated my house in Waldoboro. . I grow my Christmas trees. I prefer mine because they have more character, more space to hang all the ornaments. I had two parties at my house before I went to Eugene. At Chris and Diane's house I helped decorate their tree, and house. I shopped with Chris at the holiday craft market, painted in Chris's studio, hung out some with Diane, went to lunch twice, saw 4 movies in the movie theater, and 4 movies at home. I went to a Christmas party with lots of people and dinner with a family that are friends of Chris. I started 7 oil paintings and finished 2, and sat for Chris for a portrait he is doing of me. Christmas day we had presents and a great meal, Chris, Diane and me eating a 17 pound turkey. Haley went to Salt Lake City to visit her sister Courtney where she and her husband Peter are doing their residence.since becoming doctors.

I didn't have time to start my letter nor do I have my laptop computer, which I usually write the letter on because last March in Doug's driveway forgetting to put it in the car I ran over it. Doug gave me his old computer that he set up for me at home. The bad part was I don't have a portable computer I can use anywhere to paint from because I had all my digital images on it for reference. The good part is the computer Doug gave me didn't have a modem and I had to get fast speed internet, which was like going from night to day. Doug downloaded from backup my digital images so I paint using the big monitor for reference. Also during one of the snow storms the cable wire came down.Years ago when we first got cable they had a promotion deal of all the channels and they never disconnected us from that so we paid basic for all the channels for years. When they put up the new wire I was back to a few channels and so now I watch PBS channel 10, and I go to the library and take out movies.

I flew from Eugene to San Francisco to Boston. Doug picked me up 10:30 New Years Eve and we were awake at 12 o'clock. Doug doesn't have a TV so we didn't see the ball drop in times square. No celebrating the new decade. December 31st was a blue moon which is a second full moon in the month and there was an eclipse. It was cloudy. I watched the first full moon in December in Waldoboro as it rose on a clear sky about 4 o'clock. I love it when it comes up before it is dark and I can see the landscape. The moon rises over the cove, over my house when I walk up the driveway. The next morning from Doug's house I called my neighbor in Waldoboro and found out a north easter was predicted in Maine and I should stay put.

This letter is being deterred. I came down with a cold and I had to sleep a few hours before I left Amesbury to drive home Monday January 4th. Tuesday I could hardly move but I had to bring paintings to Tidemark for the new show and pick up the mail, I also had an eye check up in Damariscotta, All I managed to do Wednesday was balance my check book with the bank statement and pay the bills. My driveway is all ice so I drove the car to the road put my mail in the box and threw the ball on the street to Mira so she got a little exercise. Then back in the house I rested by the wood stove. I plan to leave the tree and Christmas decorations up for a few more days. It is so cosy with all the lights and their reflections.

I love my sons and get along well with them and I like being with them, not necessarily to talk to although a good conversation is nice. They are both beautiful souls, talented, creative , sensitive, and kind. Both have good partners. so are not alone. Doug works as a carpenter. He does the ebay store for Chris and me. It is through sales on ebay that I make enough to pay the bills. Doug has a workshop in his basement for tools and making pottery and has been perfecting his pottery skills. He also practices the saxophone every day. Chris left the restaurant after working there from the time he moved to Eugene years ago. He is now working full time for someone else as a carpenter. He works very hard, has a lot of energy. He can go to work and come home and work in his studio and paint. He also likes gardening and last summer when my garden was drowning and being eaten by slugs he was describing his prolific giant vegetables.

Chris came out in the spring for a week and we visited Charlie's sister Cookie and her family. She has 9 grandchildren and some of them are in college. Time goes by. Families spread out and loose contact as they grow older. All we have are the memories,

My long time friend Jane took me to Kirpalu, center for yoga and health, in western MA for a work shop, during the week end of my birthday in March. Since I know nothing about yoga the work shop we chose was given by a Chinese healer. I found it hard to understand his Engish but I must say he was not boring. Jane and I did more laughing that week end, although it was serious and many people did get healed. I would go to that place just for the food and the hot tub. It is also beautiful in the Berkshires, Kirpalu is near Tangle-wood. There were cosmic things happening during the the equinox. I know nothing about astronomy or astrology only that the cycles we are in right now are causing big changes.

A cousin on my mother's side and his wife came down from Canada for a day visit on the 4th of July, joined by a cousin that lives in Augusta. We had lunch in Waldoboro and drove around Friendship. I wanted them to see a little bit of the coast. Luckily the sun was out for a short time. Here in Maine it had been raining almost every day for 3 months, the wettest spring on record.

Another event was a wedding of the daughter of a wonderful friend from Newburyport. It was a beautiful day the wedding being outside. Saw friends I hadn't seen for a long time.

I have a story that is amazing. Mira my dog has a great deal of energy that I wish she could transfer to me. I was buying soup bones to give her to keep her busy. She would eat the marrow and play with the bones. The bones averaged three inches in diameter be two inches in length. Doug, Christina and Lucy were up for Thanksgiving. We were watching a movie on TV. I noticed Mira had a bone caught in her mouth and it was around her lower jaw. She was trying to get it off and was getting frantic. Doug grabbed her but could not move it, We realized we had a big problem. Doug is so leveled headed. He found a coping saw and got Mira down with his leg over her and us helping to keep her from moving. He carefully sawed almost through the bone on the right side of her jaw and the left side of her jaw. He didn't cut himself or the dog. Then with a screwdriver split the bone. The top half came off, the lower part had to be wiggled loose. In case this tail needs to be proven I have the bone now in two parts and a picture of Doug as he sawed. If this had happened when I was alone I would have had to take her to the vet which would have cost a fortune and would they have been as efficient as Doug was. You can imagine the scenario that could have happened.

2010 is the start of a new decade. The last decade might have been one of the worst decades we have been through. We think that because now there is world communication. All the nasty things are exposed. Science and technology have brought each of us into intimate relationship with all others. We are all humans of the same family. The world today forces us to accept our interrelatedness. More and more people are awaking to the urgency of arresting the accelerating madness around us. First It may be hard for people living in the 3D world to realize we are part of the whole and we are connected to everything, that we are multidimensional beings.

The following are excerpts from an article that was excerpted from a book by Vimala Thakar , Spirituality and Social Action.
We are at odds with ourselves internally, we believe that the inner is separate from the outer, that divisions among people and nations are necessary, and yet we wonder why there are tension, conflicts and wars The conflicts begin with minds that believe in fragmentation and are ignorant of wholeness. We are expressions of the collective, repeating the patterns we created. Whether we like it or not we are responsible participants in what is happening in the world. What is necessary in these critical times is that all sensitive and caring people make a personal discovery of the fact of oneness and allow compassion to flow in their lives. Each passionate being who dares to explore beyond the fragmentary and superficial into the mystery of totality helps all humanity perceive what it is to be fully human. Revolution implies experimenting with the impossible. When an individual takes a step in the direction of the impossible, the whole human race travels through that individual.

The vast intelligence that orders the cosmos is available to all. The beauty of life, the wonder of living, is that we share creativity, intelligence, and unlimited potential with the rest of the cosmos. If the universe is vast and mysterious, we are vast and mysterious. If it contains innumerable creative energies, we contain innumerable creative energies. If it has healing energies, we have healing energies. To realize that we are whole beings, each a miniature cosmos, each related to all of life in intimate, profound ways, should radically transform how we perceive ourselves, our environments, and our social problems.

We are long past Christmas now, except in my house. However, as has been said many times, keep the Christmas spirit in your heart year long. The light of Christ is love, so one last quote from Vamala

A tender, loving concern for all living creatures will need to arise and reign in our hearts. Our lives will be truly blessed only when the misery of one is genuinely felt to be the misery of all. The force of love is the force of total revolution. We have moved very far away from love in our collective lives, dangerously near destruction. Perhaps we now have the awareness that love is as essential to human beings as the air we breath, the water we drink, and the food we eat. Love is the beauty, the delicate mystery, the soul of life, the radiant unspoiled purity that brings spontaneous joy, songs of ecstasy, poems,paintings, dances, dramas to celebrate it's indescribable, never-to-be-fully-captured bliss of being. It is a utopian challenge, a challenge fully worthy of the potential of whole human beings.

Remember gratitude, and attitude. Find your gift and pursue it, Be aware of your thoughts. Love yourself, and others. Serve others and you will be served.

I am the first and the last.
I am the honored one and the scorned.
I am the whore and the holy one.
I am the wife and the virgin.

Gnostic 300 AD
There the soul dwells
like the fish in the sea
and the sea in the fish

14th century
Song of Myself
I celebrate myself, and sing myself.
And what I assume you shall assume.
For every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you.

Walt Whitman (Charlie's favorite poet)

X-mas Letter "2001"     X-mas Letter "2002"     X-mas Letter "2003"     X-mas Letter "2004"     X-mas Letter "2005"    

X-mas Letter "2006"     X-mas Letter "2007"     X-mas Letter "2008"     X-mas Letter "2009"     X-mas Letter "2010"    

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Audrey Bechler 968 Backcove Rd. Waldoboro, ME 04572 1-207-6832-6806
Layout, Design, and Revisions ©2005 by Douglas Bechler...... Revised, January 6, 2011